The Champ
Harold Jimenez — reigning, defending, 7-6. Let that sink in: the weakest regular season any champion of this league has ever posted. Arleo went 9-4. Andreassen 8-5. Gaffney 9-4. McGinty 11-2. Harold backed into the playoffs, renamed his team Don't Sweat The Technique, and then — credit where it's due — won the final 233.98 to 188.86 when it counted. Was it a heater or was it a fluke? There's exactly one way to answer that, and it starts week 1 against Andreassen. Bad news, champ: you're 4-1 lifetime against him, so when you lose, everyone's going to notice.
The Gauntlet
Drew Richardson — The Snap
The only manager who's been here for all of it, and what he has to show for seven years of perfect attendance is a career 32-33 record and one championship appearance — 2020, where he lost to a man who played a single season of this league and walked away forever. He has left 1,191 points on his bench, second-most all-time. The team is called The Snap and every December it lives up to it.
Kevin Gaffney — Mean Machine
Career +4.57 luck, the highest ever measured in this league. That's not a compliment, Kevin — that's the database calling you a fraud with a ring. And yet: 24-15, a title in 2023, and the least bench waste of any long-tenured manager. Efficient, lucky, and insufferable. The 0-2 series deficit to Gascon is the only crack anyone's found.
Dylan McGinty — For The Birds
The closest thing this league has to a bully. Best record among the lifers (31-21), an 11-2 season in 2024 that ended in a title, the biggest beatdown ever recorded (157.28 over GoldenGupta, 2021), and — this is the one that matters — 6-0 lifetime against David Andreassen. Six meetings. Six wins. Dylan doesn't rebuild, he reloads, and his week 1 date with Kristen is dead even at 3-3.
David Andreassen — Somethin Pickens This Way Comes
Most career wins in league history (34). One title (2021). Owner of the single-week record — 215.24, untouched since 2020. Also: one of the unluckiest managers ever measured, the all-time leader in points left on the bench (1,278), and zero career wins against Dylan McGinty. You're the best player in this league who keeps getting robbed at gunpoint by the same guy, David. 2026 is the year you do something about it or admit you can't.
Kristen Ginter — Hail Mary Poppins
Present for every season since 2020, co-managing with Rich, and the single unluckiest career in the league: −3.70. Five completed seasons, zero titles, 30-35, and 18 zero-point starts. Practically perfect in every way except the standings. The good news: nobody's due like you. The bad news: this league doesn't pay out "due."
Steven Ginter — Keepers Shmeepers
Last place in 2024. Changed the team name. Last place in 2025. Steven, the problem was never the name. You are the first back-to-back wooden spoon in league history. And yet — somehow — you own Gregory Leite 4-1, and he's your week 1 opener. The anchor gets one free swing. Take it.
Gregory Leite — YAC_all_day
A perfectly average 19-20 career with one glowing exception: 5-1 against Drew. You are the Snap-breaker, the one matchup Drew checks the schedule for in August. Explain, then, how the guy who's finished last two years running has your number. Priorities, Greg.
Jim Harold Gascon — 4*TOWN AND GOAL
One season in and already 2-0 on Gaffney, which is more than most of this league can say. But you also spent the #1 overall pick on Jahmyr Gibbs last year and finished 7th — which brings us to…
The Curse
The first overall pick in this league is a career-ending event. Five drafts. Christian McCaffrey went 1.1 three times — his teams finished 9th, 12th, and 10th. Justin Jefferson went first in 2023 — 12th. Gibbs in 2025 — 7th. That's zero titles, zero championship appearances, and three dead-last finishes for the #1 pick in five years. Whoever draws slot one this month: our condolences to your family.
The Open Seat
Team 11 stands empty. Somebody new inherits it — and inherits a week 1 date with Drew, the only opener on the board with no history behind it. Fresh meat, meet the guy who's been waiting seven years.
Take the seat, take the interview, and understand exactly what you're walking into: a league where the belt has never once been defended, the record for a weekly average — 131.0, set in 2020 — hasn't been touched since, and the database reads everything you do from the moment you sit down.
On Deck
Week 1, for the record: Jimenez–Andreassen (champ leads 4-1), McGinty–Kristen (3-3, the only truly even rivalry in the league), S. Ginter–Leite (Ginter 4-1, inexplicably), Gascon–Gaffney (Gascon 2-0), and Drew against whoever the fates drop into slot 11.
Five seasons. Five champions. One board about to go live.
Draft's coming. Bring receipts or bring excuses — the database keeps both.
— The Gauntlet is a Blitzboard production. All records regular-season unless stated; championship scores are two-week playoff totals, because that's how this league settles things.