The league's only perfect record finally cracked
Stephanie's flawless start ends, and Hector's search for one continues
Three weeks in, this league is learning that nothing holds. Stephanie's Wildcats&Wolverines had not lost a single all-play matchup through two weeks, twenty-six wins and zero losses. Week three found the crack. At the other end, Hector's Chitown daddy is still looking for one win of any kind, and this is not the first time he's started a season at zero and three — the history books say both directions are still open.
🏆 WINNER OF THE WEEK — Drew (The Snap)
Drew's The Snap put up 144.12, the week's best score, and buried Cristian's T-t-t-t-today Junior! by 73.16, the widest margin on the board. That's not a contest, that's a beatdown, and the desk has nothing but respect for it.
💀 LOSER OF THE WEEK — Mark (The Vibes Voyagers)
Mark's The Vibes Voyagers scored 57.14, a new season low, and lost to Ethan by 5.22. Mark, the fix was sitting on your bench: Luther Burden III scored 16.3 while Oronde Gadsden started at that same spot and scored nothing. Swap them and you win the game.
| Final | Margin |
|---|---|
| Little Ditka Energy 132.88, Edred's Expert Team 114.2 | 18.68 |
| Davante’s Inferno 120.74, Chitown daddy 112.82 | 7.92 |
| Sarah's Boss Team 118.56, Pantalones en Fuego 111.74 | 6.82 |
| The Sonoran Dogs 125.28, Wildcats&Wolverines 99.22 | 26.06 |
| The Snap 144.12, T-t-t-t-today Junior! 70.96 | 73.16 |
| Sama's Fine Team 103.34, Here Come the Irish 74.02 | 29.32 |
| ManBearPig 62.36, The Vibes Voyagers 57.14 | 5.22 |
Three games were decided by single digits, and the tightest finish on the board wasn't even the week's biggest story.
Stephanie's Perfect Start Ends
Stephanie opened the season twenty-six and zero in all-play, 287.72 points behind it. This week that mark fell to four wins and nine losses, 99.22 points, in a straight loss to Jeff P's The Sonoran Dogs, 125.28 to 99.22. Jaxon Smith-Njigba still caught for 30.36, 30.6 percent of the team's whole output, and the Patriots still started at defense and scored zero. The two teams have now met five times; Stephanie leads that series four to one, so the loss cost her the perfect record, not the rivalry. And she's in good company: the only two perfect two-week starts before hers, Mark's in 2016 and Cristian's in 2025, both cracked in week three too.
Alex Finds One
Alex's Little Ditka Energy opened zero and two while defending last year's title. This week: 132.88, an 18.68-point win over Edred's Expert Team, Alex's first win of the season. Brock Purdy went off for 39.28, the week's Player of the Week, and Alex finished +32.7 over projection, the week's top overachiever. Alex, whatever you did with that lineup, keep doing it — the record now reads one and two instead of zero and three. Edred got a strong day from Matthew Stafford, 24.9 points, and still walked away with a loss; sometimes the other side's card just wins.
Brent's Costly Swap
Brent's Pantalones en Fuego lost to Sarah's Boss Team, 118.56 to 111.74, a margin of 6.82 — and Brent, that loss was entirely optional. AJ Barner scored 9.4 on your bench while Adonai Mitchell started and scored zero. Swap those two and Brent wins outright. That's two straight losses now, and a drop from seventh to eighth. Sarah is still 2-5 against Brent across seven meetings, and before this one she had lost five straight to him.
Ethan Steals One
Ethan's ManBearPig won this one 62.36 to 57.14 without adding a single player to the roster — zero transactions through 3 weeks and counting, and Eddy Pineiro's 6.7 points from the kicker slot covered the whole margin. Ethan, your Yahoo name is "Badass motha who dont take no shit from nobody", which is a lot of name for a team that just won with the second-worst score in the league and an empty defensive slot. Robbery, fully legal. He's up to seventh in the standings without touching a thing — at some point that's not an accident, it's a plan.
Hector, Again
Hector's Chitown daddy is 0-3, the only winless team left standing, and this is not new ground. Hector, this is your fourth 0-3 start — 2016, 2022, 2023, and now 2026. In 2022 you started 0-3, finished the regular season 8-6, then won all three playoff games and the title. In 2023 you started 0-3, finished 3-11, and missed the playoffs entirely. Both doors are still standing open.
This week's loss came from the same drawer: Hector benched Terry McLaurin, who scored 16.7, for Romeo Doubs, who scored 6.4. That single swap changes the loss to a win. kelsey's Davante's Inferno won it 120.74 to 112.82.
And it was kelsey doing the damage, again. kelsey is 3-0, the only unbeaten team, and 8-0 against Hector — they've met once a season, every year from 2019 through 2026, and kelsey has won every single one. But 2022 says the season isn't decided in week three.
- 🏆 Top Score: The Snap — 144.12
- 🚽 Toilet Bowl: The Vibes Voyagers — 57.14
- 🔨 Beatdown: The Snap over T-t-t-t-today Junior! by 73.16
- 😰 Photo Finish: ManBearPig over The Vibes Voyagers by 5.22
- 📈 Overachiever: Little Ditka Energy, +32.7 over projection
- 📉 Faceplant: ManBearPig, -44.1 under projection
- 🪑 Bench of the Week: Sama's Fine Team left Tyler Shough (31.8) on the bench
- ⭐ Player of the Week: Brock Purdy (39.28) — started by Little Ditka Energy
Purdy and Pineiro carried the two ends of the same lesson: the stars still swing games, but so does the kicker slot nobody thinks about until it decides one.
| # | Team | W-L | GB | PF | Streak | Move |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Davante’s Inferno | 3-0 | — | 363.1 | W3 | ▲1 |
| 2 | Wildcats&Wolverines | 2-1 | 1 | 386.9 | L1 | ▼1 |
| 3 | Sarah's Boss Team | 2-1 | 1 | 364.2 | W2 | ▲1 |
| 4 | The Sonoran Dogs | 2-1 | 1 | 358.9 | W2 | ▲1 |
| 5 | Sama's Fine Team | 2-1 | 1 | 353.3 | W2 | ▼2 |
| 6 | The Snap | 2-1 | 1 | 328.2 | W1 | ▲6 |
| 7 | ManBearPig | 2-1 | 1 | 258.4 | W1 | ▲3 |
| 8 | Pantalones en Fuego | 1-2 | 2 | 325.8 | L2 | ▼1 |
| 9 | Edred's Expert Team | 1-2 | 2 | 313.3 | L1 | — |
| 10 | Little Ditka Energy | 1-2 | 2 | 306 | W1 | ▲4 |
| 11 | Here Come the Irish | 1-2 | 2 | 293 | L2 | ▼5 |
| 12 | T-t-t-t-today Junior! | 1-2 | 2 | 279 | L1 | ▼4 |
| 13 | The Vibes Voyagers | 1-2 | 2 | 247.2 | L2 | ▼2 |
| 14 | Chitown daddy | 0-3 | 3 | 299.7 | L3 | ▼1 |
kelsey sits alone at the top unbeaten, Hector sits alone at the bottom winless, and the other twelve teams are all still figuring out which side of that gap they're closer to. Fourteen teams, seven playoff spots — three weeks in, the separation is already real, and Stephanie just found out the hard way that no start stays perfect.
Same time next week. Set your lineups.